Kilo's

One of the most marvellous lunch-good concepts in Brazil is a type of restaurant called ‘Kilos’. Cheap and filling, they work on a buffet-esque premise whereby you take a plate when you enter the establishment, and fill it up with as many different food groups as you wish – meat, salads, stews, deserts etc, from all the different stations. The only difference is that it is not all you can eat, you only get one shot…which is a pain in the ass if you miss out an entire section by mistake, and only see it after you have paid, as you then take the now laden plate to another station, and get your plate weighed, so they know how much to charge you. Being Brazil, you then have to go to yet another station to pay, but that is another story. Considering a kilo is rarely ever priced at more than 30 Reals, it is generally known far and wide to be a bargain lunch. Especially when you take into consideration the strength of the Real these days, the intense crappiness of the Pound, and the obvious fact that a whole kilo of food is more than a sensible person can eat in one sitting…..

Caipirinhas, which means 'little hillbilly'

With only 4 ingredients to their name - sugar, limes, ice and Cachaça (a type of sugar cane rum)…and when you consider that a bottle of Cachaça retails for approximately Reals $5.50 versus say a bottle of Vodka for $20 it all becomes that much clearer why it is so easy to get a Caipirinha literally ANYWHERE in Brazil. In all honesty, the most expensive element is probably the ice.

And I do mean anywhere. For example, say you are standing on a massive sand dune /desert/cliff top that you had to slough up/down/to for 20/40/60 mins, so you could watch the beautiful sunset, quite far from anything in particular, and you feel like a cocktail. Chances are there is a guy with a white chilly bin floating around somewhere on that particular edge of nowhere who would love to facilitate that desire. In this country, if you have a cooler, a couple of bottles of cheap booze, and some ice, you can be in the beverages industry. And if that chilly bin happens to have wheels, well all the better for manoeuvring it into said precarious location. Easy as pie. Mmmmmm Pie.

Of course you can also get a Caipirinha in any old normal place  – they go especially well with sunsets being watched from beach bars and roof tops too you know, but how boring is that!?

The funniest/most ridiculous thing for me though, is that we were taught to make them when we first arrived in Brazil, by an Australian couple. So authentic. True to form, they recommended that every batch of Caipirinhas must include a third of a bottle – a rule we adhere to religiously. Luckily you only need 3 batches between 6 or so in a sitting anyway, as the Cachaça is extraordinarily lethal, ….about 50% proof,  and far too fast acting and delicious for its own good, which means you end up pretty legless pretty quickly. Be careful if you are a cheap drunk or you could be anyones…….. And just so you can find this out for yourself, here is the recipe.

You will need…

• A Bottle of Cachaça. Know you can definitely buy it in Europe, but no idea about anyhwhere else
• White Sugar. Granulated is fine, but they only have fine stuff here which also works very well.
• Limes. Depends on how much you are making, but you need at least 3 or 4 for 6 people (Good juicy ones, not the crappy freeze dried ones you get in London)
• Ice
• Some kind of jug, probably plastic for when you cant see straight and drop it.
• A mixing spoon, fairly heavy duty.

1. Cut up the limes into segments, by first cutting off the ends, and the chopping into halves then quarters
2. Drop into jug
3. Add the sugar until it covers the limes. There is a bit of trial and error here as to how much you add – we prefer them to be less sweet, but the Brazillians are mental about sweet things. Your call
4. Mash as well as you can with the mixing spoon or masher until there is lots of lime juice, and all the sugar has been blended. Remember this is a drink of few ingredients, so put your back into it.
5. Add the ice. Am not sure exactly how much you are supposed to use, but we just add until it feels about right. Very technical.  Remember though, that it will melt. This is both a good and bad thing…you chose.
6. Pour over the Cachaça. As I have already said, we tend to use about a third of a bottle for each batch…..but that is possibly the reason why I have to go to bed as soon as I finish drinking them.
7. Enjoy!!

Traditional specialities of Uruguay

Lets be honest, my Spanish, while passable in most situations is not shit hot, and there are lots of words I don’t know like… bucket, contact lenses and hair ties – which incidentally kills me every time, as it is ALWAYS the one thing I never have enough of - however the section of any menu that says Especialidades Tradicionales is pretty self explanatory really, regardless of your competency level the clue is in the name.

Well let me tell you, I got a crick in my neck from all the double taking involved in reading said menus,  when I discovered the colourful, heart attack inducing and international array of foods that are considered traditional in this little country.

1. Chivito – ‘sandwiche’ or ‘al plato’ (pictured)

A massive road crash of food piled onto a plate, or into a sandwich, none of which have any relation or correlation to the other elements involved. Starting from the bottom up, and be glad you couldn’t see it all, the actual contents of this plate are….

Potato salad, frozen peas and corn, palm hearts, tomato, lettuce, pickled capsicum (peppers), steak, ham, a side of fries, and a fried egg, thrown in for good measure, to add a little more white and yellow to the plate.

To be honest I couldn’t find a massive amount of background on this taste bud extravaganza, and could only assume that this traditional dish came about as an (un)happy accident one day, when someone in the ye olden days was starving and went to make a sandwich but couldn’t decide what to put in it so they cooked the contents of their fridge instead. On realising that they also had no bread, the mêlée was unceremoniously plonked onto one plate, as they were low on dishes. Clearly it was a man who devised this concoction, so the more likely story is that there was only one clean dish in the house. As he was sitting down to dig in, his friend popped round, saw what he was eating and decided to copy him. Thus the Chivito al plato was born.  And judging by the amount of people who eat them, it is going down a storm!

2. Milanesa – Breaded meat, normally beef or chicken. Often eaten in a sandwich, with tomato, mayo and lettuce – very tasty – but shown here with fries and salad…for those of us that don’t feel the need to eat bread rolls 4 – 6 times a day.

All I can tell you is pretty much every food under the sun influences Uruguayan cuisine, and the Scandinavians and the Italians were no different in this instance. For some reason eating this always reminds me of my dad, as he was always a fan of a good bit of breaded meat when I was growing up.

3. Pizza. Well you know what that looks like, don’t you.

As with the above, the European influence certainly extends to pizza here, but with more cheese than you could possibly have imagined was able to fit on a pizza and eaten in a sitting.

4. Gnocchi – Potato pasta, in a nutshell. (Figuratively only, of course)

Quite an history behind Gnocchi and Uruguayans really - most places only serve it on the 29^th of each month, as traditionally that was just before pay day, and generally the time when people were poorest…. and all they could afford to cook was potatoes, which they turned into Gnocchi. Possibly they didn’t realise what a goldmine of possibilities they had on their hands, I mean the things you can do with potatoes is a whole book in itself, but more likely they couldn’t afford the additional ingredients involved to make potatoes extra delicious – either way, that is the Gnocchi story.

5. STEAK!!!!!! Needs no introduction nor explanation, but it is worth noting that Uruguay consumes more steak per capita these days than even Argentina. Bear in mid however that while the statistic is very big, the country is very small

Interesting facts about Mate

According to both my eyes and Wikipedia, Mate is the favourite hot drink of many a Southern South American* country, and to be quite frank, it kicks teas’ ass in the intrigue-ness stakes and randomness of both partaking and creating of said beverage. However, having tried it a couple of times I can say I am not really a fan. Mostly because of the sheer amount of admin involved – there are a lot of parts but also because as it doesn’t have a lid I would 100% regularly spill it down my front. I know my limits.

Somewhat resembling chaff or dried and chopped grass, Mate is brewed utilising the leaf of the green Yerba Mate plant – so far so like tea.

However…

The first in the long line of intriguing facts about Mate is that its aficionados don’t deign to use something as bog standard as a normal tea cup or mug – no they use a special hollowed out gourd, think squash like vegetable but not, which is often inlaid with silver or other metal to make it look pretty, with intricate designs carved on the sides…even the mass produced ones in the supermarket are quite attractive vessels really.

While only a few tea leaves suffice in the making of a good strong cuppa, an entire gourd full, filled right to the top is required in the making of Mate. I have asked why and never been give a decent reply, so can only assume it’s just the way it is done, as is sometimes the way. Once the gourd is filled, a special silver straw (bombilla) is jammed in at one side to make a place to pour the hot but never boiling water which is then trickled in a little bit at a time, smooshing the leaves down to make the flavour.

The drinking itself of Mate is also a full on process, unsurprisingly I guess considering the palaver one has to go to make the drink. Often made to be shared, it is a common sight to see a whole family drinking from the same Mate cup, and there is normally a Mate gourd on the go in any given social situation. Cant see the sharing aspect going down well in other countries – all those dirty sharing germs.

Mate, we were also rather surprised to discover, is the choice of hot homemade beverage for the man or woman on the go, literally going anywhere and doing anything.

South America is a massive continent, and we spend a lot of time on buses – as travel agent on our excursion I can honestly say I may have somewhat underestimated that vastness but anywho…..without fail, everyone traipses onto the bus and settles down. All is quiet for a moment, then there is the unmistakable pppphhhiiisshhh of many a thermos being opened, and the shake shake rustle rustle as the mate is poured into the cup. This is because; to drink Mate one must also carry the accoutrements of Mate – a GIANT bag of mate, a straw, and a thermos of hot water. Handily, some Mate drinking genius back in the day, probably a Gaucho, who is now I imagine a millionaire, designed a nifty little rounded leather bag which fits all the bits and bobs in nicely, as well as a spot for a fully loaded Mate cup, ready to go at any given opportunity...Boy is there opportunity

We saw people in Argentina and Uruguay and Brazil drinking Mate while…on the bus (as  above), on the back of a motorbike, on the front of a motorbike, driving a car,  taking a stroll along the beach, walking the dog, going for a run, doing the shopping, having a chat on the side of the road after getting out of the car, in offices, in cafes; everywhere you can possibly imagine a person being, there is the opportunity for Mate consumption. And there are a lot of people in Southern South America*!

* Yes I am aware that a few non – Southern South American countries also drink mate, but it does nothing for my alliteration.

Rad BBQ's of San Antonio de Areco

San Antonio de Areco is the symbolic centre of the Argentinean cowboy or Gaucho as they are called here - not to be confused with Groucho, as my husband did on a regular basis, which is quite clearly an all together different kettle of fish. 

Considering the amount of cowboys we saw I would say this is pretty damn true, however it did, in all fairness have a lot to do with the fact that we, and several thousand other people were actually in town to see the annual 'Dia de la Tradicion', the biggest day in the Gaucho calendar. Impressive displays of horsemanship, strutting in ones finery, and machismo were certainly the order of the day, but there was also a lively market selling everything the discerning Gaucho could possibly require in his day to day escapades on the pampas, which I wasn't allowed anywhere near for some reason. 

Most importantly however, and eclipsing all other amazing sights were seriously large amounts of what can only be described as awe inspiring BBQ's (Asados), which were set up to feed the hungry masses. 

Very very good word to remember if you ever find yourself in the Argentinean campo (country side) in need of a tasty side of beef (bife or carne), along with cerveza (beer) to wash the steak down with,  bano (toilet), and 'check please' (la cuenta por favour) for when you have eaten too much and need to have a snooze under the nearest  comfy tree (arbol). 

The steak story

Long long ago (the 70’s) in a place far far away (well I’m sure it took longer to get to Argentina then…were planes even invented??) there was a massive parrilla on Avenida Florida in Buenos Aires, the name of which has been lost in the fog of time and dodgy memory. Huge barbeques with whole pigs and other such tasty animals being roasted over open flames were enticingly positioned in the windows, luring the punters in, in much the same way the sirens lured Odysseus, but with food not singing and scantily clad-ness (which quite frankly could have been a bit of a random combo).

Legend tells of a brave and hungry, yet slightly idiotic man (my dad) being challenged to a duel of eating by a loud American man at the next table over a piece of steak interestingly named ‘Grand Baby Beef’. The cut in question was so large it dangled over the edges of the massive plate it was presented on, and was most likely an actual entire side of a cow. Why the word ‘baby’ was even present in the name is anyone’s guess. Anywho, my dad, who I might add was always keen on a good duel, gamely took up the challenge, and won! The loud American was suitably impressed, and my dad swaggered back to the hotel with my mum, proud as punch.

However, the moral of this story, as anyone who has achieved such a thing can tell you, is that you go home and lie on your bed with your heart thudding so heavily in your chest you think you are about to have a heart attack, and this is before the meat induced sweats come upon you, as your body struggles in vain to process the biggest piece of protein you have ever given it.

Fast forward to 2004 when my husband and I decide to visit Buenos Aires, and ask my dad where to go for steak……the long and the short of it being that we have the best and most gigantic steak ever, my husband ordering the mythical ‘Grand Baby Beef’ as he too is not shy of a challenge, and managing to polish that off, as well as some fries and half of my steak…being followed home by dogs who can smell the meat on us a mile away, and lying on our beds with the blood pounding in our ears, our hearts thudding in agony, and being CONVINCED we are about to die.

Soooooo 2010, keen to repeat this fabulously painful experience, we trot down Avenida Florida once again, past the street vendors and dizzyingly vast array of black market ‘handicraps’ (short hand for crappy handicrafts) to where we think the parrilla is, but it is gone!!!!! Thinking we have just gone to the wrong end of the street we walk the entire length of the avienda, but to no avail – the gigantic institution of (insert name here) has gone, despite having survived the last 30 odd years. Devastated - and were really were – we headed back to Palermo and to another parrilla, where we have a perfectly sufficient but not even remotely heart attack inducing steak, which actually meant we had room for salad AND desert, which was nice….I guess, if you like that kind of thing.

A beginning

Raised strict Meat-atarian, but taught not to be afraid of a few rogue vegetables that stray my way, I come from a family of good solid foodies, all of which operate on ye olde snooze you lose policy when it comes to eating; meals are open warfare, and not even the tasty morsels on your own plate are safe from poaching. There is no Switzerland. If the food is good, and it always is, its anyones game.

Encouraged to be adventurous, and give it all a fair trial, I have eaten my fair share of random and ‘mystery’ meats and foods in my time. Some I wouldn’t recommend, but others have been a pleasant surprise.  Peruvian guinea pig good, picked Portuguese snails….maybe an acquired taste….for someone else who is not me, but hey you live and learn.

Four months travelling around South America is the PERFECT opportunity to do a spot more culinary exploring, and writing about it means I have no choice but to go out of my way to find some tasty treats…and lets be honest…some not so tasty, but worthwhile experiences none the less (as long as there is a flushing toilet in the vicinity). Win win I say.